What Matters Is The Journey

Recently circumstances made me wonder about the "What If's" in my life. I wondered whether my choices have led me down the correct path, the path that I was meant to be on or whether my life was supposed to be entirely different from the one I am living. Would I have been happier in this alternate reality with wholly different choices or am I happier now?
Some would say having these thoughts are silly, that what is the point in wondering about things that aren't a possibility but I feel everyone is ruled by their what ifs at some point in life even if they don't go into too much depth in these thoughts but then again this is me. People who know me know that I tend to over think a little too much than an average person would.
Why do people have the tendency to wonder more about the differences in their choices rather than just living with them, gaining an acceptance of their actions. I believe it's mainly because every person is struggling to find their own version of happiness. Every human being wants their own piece of a happy ending ( I think binge watching Once upon a time is showing an effect on my writing :P) But are we going about finding our happiness in the right way? What defines happiness? It's never going to be a state of being, not when life is such that things are constantly changing. You have to learn to take the good with the bad, focus on life's adventures and not on the possibility of another path or choice. Happiness is not a destination, it's the very path. It's in most of the experiences in life and it's necessary to learn to cherish them.
But we are all always unsatisfied, always wanting something more and what that more is, most of us have no clue. Rather that enjoy the journey, we are more focused on the end goal, our destination but what we fail to understand is that there is no end except of course "the end". You achieve one goal and you are onto the next one, nothing will ever be enough, it's just a persons inherent nature. It's not wrong to want more in your life, what's wrong is failing to be aware of the moments in life while you are trying to achieve this ever elusive 'more'.
It's necessary to be present in life and enjoy the moments that make up all the memories because in the end that is what will matter the most, not whether you achieved all your goals but the people you met along the way, the people you brought happiness and made proud. The people, the moments, the memories is what get's every person through life and are the most vivid things to remember in the end.       

The Not So Final Verdict

Sometimes you cant help but wonder why certain things happen when they do and you are left thinking 'why me'. At the same time you are vaguely aware that there are people worse off than you but in that moment all you can do is feel the sorrow, the feeling of why did this happen when you did everything right and dealt with all the hurdles in your path.
You gave your best even when circumstances were quite bad, tons of people wished the best for you, had confidence in you and your own desire for the right outcome was always present. But even after all this, things just do not go your way, life and fate just decide to screw you over, I can hear their conversation, "oh, she hasn't nearly dealt with enough troubles, let's give her some more!"
I'm not saying things have to be all roses and rainbows but I could use a break for once! and no this is not a situation where the line 'if life gives you lemons make lemonade" would apply, well I can't, because the lemons handed to be are over ripe and blackened.
I wanted to move forward, to not be stuck doing the same thing all over again for the second time in my life. I already went through it once and did not need it to happen again, did not deserve it to happen again. How the hell am I supposed to go back to the same position I was in last year! I just wished that for once in my life things would work out, just once. But it doesn't and I doubt I will ever have it easy, I'm learning to deal with it though. I know for a fact that I am dealing with the failure better this time than the last and I know that I won't give up easily (well atleast not till I give one more attempt! :P), after that I will probably just decide, hell with it, I am doing my MBA and opening a vineyard with "the love of my life :P"
So here I go again, back to the start, back to rubbing my nose to the grindstone (i.e. my CA final books) and back to sitting in that damned chair which I very much wanted to burn once I was done with the papers the first time around but sentimental value of my father triumphed and it's still there taunting me, telling me that I'm stuck with it :(
We can't always have what we want, but I still am a believer of the fact that things will work out in the end, there may be rocks in the way or mountains but eventually you do get the view from the top and I hope mine comes soon.

The Never Ending Path

Thoughtless, sightless, pathless,
I feel I'm lost at sea.
Just moving with no direction,
Lost in a wirlwind of maybe.
I can't tell which way is up,
But down this road I go.
The end unseen , the goal unknown,
Hoping for some possibilities.
And now I wait for the outcome,
A sign that'll let me know,
That where I am is where I must be,
That things will look up eventually.
I will find my way to my dreams,
However difficult it may be.

Shadows of Time

Time doesn't stop,
It doesn't wait for anyone.
It feels like an endless race;
It rushes ahead,
Leaving you behind,
While you struggle to keep up the pace.
So don't keep things for tomorrow,
Seize the moment right now,
Live everyday with grace.
Take control of your life,
Even if it's a struggle,
It's one that you have to face.
So that when you'll look back on the Shadows of time,
You won't have any regrets.
You did your best, fulfilled your dreams
And finally won life's race.

What I've heard of Love

Love comes around only once in one's life,
And when it does you want to make it last.
The times you spend together,
Seem like they should last forever.
Hours seem like days and days like years,
When he's away you want him near.
Some people say love is a sham,
But you wonder why people fall in love then?
Cause while the feeling lasts,
It gives you everything you've ever asked.
And to tell the truth, Once it hits you,
No one can help it,
They have to accept it.
Cause once you let it go,
The pain is too much you know.
It's more than the joy you could have felt,
Had you kept it close forever..........................................................(or so I've heard)
    

Upon a Raft.........

Upon a raft, sailing the oceans sat a girl all alone

Thinking deeply and musing on the days of her life.

The days when she was happy,

The days when she was sad,

Thinking......Thinking.........

And finally knowing that her time was drawing near.

And as she thought she realised how dear her life really was,

But deep down she knew that she had lived her life to the fullest.

She had faced all difficulties and embraced all joy 

And now as the time neared she fell into a peaceful sleep 

With a smile upon her face. 

Can't Believe I have a Blog!!!

Up until now, when I actually tried to make my own blog, I had no idea how difficult it was to find a good name!
I must have stared at my screen for so long, I bet it seemed like I was having a staring contest to see who's going to blink first.
After, a lot of debating with myself and a few trusted others who know I have passion for writing, I finally decided to just go ahead and put my words out there.

So here goes nothing.........my very first real poem to get published........................

                                           TRUST

You open your eyes to a life and that's where it all begins,

Family, friends, teachers you get to know all of them.

They stand by you always & help & guide your way.

This is how it all starts and as relationships are being formed,

There comes a sense of trust.

Sometimes it takes time while sometimes just a moment.

But however long it takes you know the 'trust' is there always.

You're sure these people will keep your faith, 

Stand by you forever,

So when this hope and trust you gave is broken,

That's not the only thing that is.

Your bonds and faith are shattered as well.

Cause you'll feel like you lost a part of yourself;

That the one you wished would help you here, 

Is the one who put you in this place.

Days go by and you may forgive the one who hurt you so,

But that what once you had with them is gone and lost forever.