Sometimes you cant help but wonder why certain things happen when they do and you are left thinking 'why me'. At the same time you are vaguely aware that there are people worse off than you but in that moment all you can do is feel the sorrow, the feeling of why did this happen when you did everything right and dealt with all the hurdles in your path.
You gave your best even when circumstances were quite bad, tons of people wished the best for you, had confidence in you and your own desire for the right outcome was always present. But even after all this, things just do not go your way, life and fate just decide to screw you over, I can hear their conversation, "oh, she hasn't nearly dealt with enough troubles, let's give her some more!"
I'm not saying things have to be all roses and rainbows but I could use a break for once! and no this is not a situation where the line 'if life gives you lemons make lemonade" would apply, well I can't, because the lemons handed to be are over ripe and blackened.
I wanted to move forward, to not be stuck doing the same thing all over again for the second time in my life. I already went through it once and did not need it to happen again, did not deserve it to happen again. How the hell am I supposed to go back to the same position I was in last year! I just wished that for once in my life things would work out, just once. But it doesn't and I doubt I will ever have it easy, I'm learning to deal with it though. I know for a fact that I am dealing with the failure better this time than the last and I know that I won't give up easily (well atleast not till I give one more attempt! :P), after that I will probably just decide, hell with it, I am doing my MBA and opening a vineyard with "the love of my life :P"
So here I go again, back to the start, back to rubbing my nose to the grindstone (i.e. my CA final books) and back to sitting in that damned chair which I very much wanted to burn once I was done with the papers the first time around but sentimental value of my father triumphed and it's still there taunting me, telling me that I'm stuck with it :(
We can't always have what we want, but I still am a believer of the fact that things will work out in the end, there may be rocks in the way or mountains but eventually you do get the view from the top and I hope mine comes soon.
You gave your best even when circumstances were quite bad, tons of people wished the best for you, had confidence in you and your own desire for the right outcome was always present. But even after all this, things just do not go your way, life and fate just decide to screw you over, I can hear their conversation, "oh, she hasn't nearly dealt with enough troubles, let's give her some more!"
I'm not saying things have to be all roses and rainbows but I could use a break for once! and no this is not a situation where the line 'if life gives you lemons make lemonade" would apply, well I can't, because the lemons handed to be are over ripe and blackened.
I wanted to move forward, to not be stuck doing the same thing all over again for the second time in my life. I already went through it once and did not need it to happen again, did not deserve it to happen again. How the hell am I supposed to go back to the same position I was in last year! I just wished that for once in my life things would work out, just once. But it doesn't and I doubt I will ever have it easy, I'm learning to deal with it though. I know for a fact that I am dealing with the failure better this time than the last and I know that I won't give up easily (well atleast not till I give one more attempt! :P), after that I will probably just decide, hell with it, I am doing my MBA and opening a vineyard with "the love of my life :P"
So here I go again, back to the start, back to rubbing my nose to the grindstone (i.e. my CA final books) and back to sitting in that damned chair which I very much wanted to burn once I was done with the papers the first time around but sentimental value of my father triumphed and it's still there taunting me, telling me that I'm stuck with it :(
We can't always have what we want, but I still am a believer of the fact that things will work out in the end, there may be rocks in the way or mountains but eventually you do get the view from the top and I hope mine comes soon.
